Arizona · Entertainment in AZ · Sara Dobie Bauer

Intelligent erotica that’s both hot and heavy

The first time I heard the name Anais Nin, it was in Jewel’s “Morning Song:”
“You can be Henry Miller and I’ll be Anais Nin.
Except this time it’ll be even better,
We’ll stay together in the end.”

As a teenager, I had no idea Nin would have a huge effect on my life, but eventually, I found an aged copy of Delta of Venus. I found Anais Nin, and I fell in love.

Some would consider her the mother of modern erotica. Her work is gritty, dark, depressing, and lovely. In real life, she paired up romantically with author Henry Miller (and his wife). She and Miller inspired each other … and me. I even went to the Henry Miller Memorial Library when I was out in Big Sur.

What does this have to do with Mofo Pubs’ newest anthology, HOTEL? Editor Megan Lewis mentions both Nin and Miller in her introduction. For the collection, she sought out “authors who weren’t afraid to explore human sexuality while still maintaining a standard of literary excellence.”

When friends first read my HOTEL story, “Breathing Underwater,” they looked at me kind of funny and asked if I was feeling all right. I had fun stepping outside the playful banter that usually characterizes my work, and I went to a dark, angry place.

I am truly honored to be part of the HOTEL anthology. I’m among authors who amaze me with their prose. Although most of the stories are quite short, each writer manages to create complex characters who not only leap off the page but also writhe, scream, and claw your eyes. Are there happy endings? Several. (Bad joke.) There actually aren’t many happy endings in the emotional sense, but that’s what makes the stories feel so real. I think Anais Nin would approve.

Below, read an excerpt from my HOTEL story, “Breathing Underwater,” then buy the anthology. Not only is it an erotic adventure, but it’s a lesson in great literature.

“Breathing Underwater” (Excerpt)
By Sara Dobie Bauer
Featured in Mofo Pubs’ HOTEL anthology

We skipped the elevator and took the outside stairs all the way down to the pool. Middle of the week, the hotel was kind of deserted, except for the boys at the other end, splashing each other in their tiny trunks. I took off my shoes, sat on the edge of the pool, and stuck my calves in cold water. Amused me to no end when David Francis knelt down, untied his wingtips, pulled off his socks, and rolled up his trousers. His bare feet hit the water with a quick plunk as he took a cigarette from me and we wallowed in a silence of mistakes.

“How the hell did you knock a woman up? Half the country is hungry for your sperm.”

He exhaled a cloud of white that floated on a wave of classic Beach Boys. And we’ll have fun, fun, fun … “We used a condom. I don’t know.”

“She probably poked holes in it.”

His tall brow furrowed. “But it was my condom.”

I rolled smoke around my mouth—a cancerous jawbreaker. “Maybe the baby isn’t yours.”

“Maybe. So what kind of man cheats on a woman who looks like you?”

“It’s not all about looks, dude. I can be a real bitch.” I tossed ash right into the crystal clear water. Death to imaginary fishes.

He chuckled, but the sound came out through his nose, so it was half hiss, half deep rumble. I didn’t like seeing him that way. I don’t mean his pale calves in the water; he had nice calves. I mean shoulders slumped with pathetic face. In a movie, David once squeezed a guy’s head until his eyes popped out. Now, some crazy wench had him trapped via crotch fruit?

Oh, Jesus, but what did he see in me? Jaded, washed up thirty-year-old in a slutty dress. I probably had pathetic face on, too.

You know that moment when everything seems so clear? Like when you’re really drunk and you suddenly realize no amount of water is gonna sober you up? Water. We needed water.

I grabbed the front of his navy blue suit and leaned back. I had just enough time to watch him flail before my head went under, which was the first time I learned they played Little Mermaid ballads beneath the surface of the Clarendon hotel pool. I opened my eyes, holding onto him for dear life, and shit, David even looked hot under water. Pathetic face was gone, replaced by something like glee. Glee or horror, I suppose. Depended on how expensive that suit was.

We came up for air, both sputtering, laughing. I looked past six stories of balconies and the edges of white umbrellas on the roof to that cheerful cerulean sky and wished for a big strike of lightning. Bring it, God. Go ahead.

But then his hands were on my waist, and those lips of his were good for more than just talking—they were good for kissing. Naw, they were fantastic for kissing. We both tasted like chlorine-soaked ashtrays, and yet, our tongues shoved, lips sucked, and teeth nibbled, nibbled. My hands latched onto his ears like handlebars and tugged him underwater again. I’d never done much underwater kissing, but I give it two thumbs up—big thumbs—especially when his hand made it up my dress.

(Read the rest of “Breathing Underwater” and the HOTEL anthology in all its gorgeous glory. Buy your copy HERE.)

The Clarendon Hotel pool in Phoenix.
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Holy BLANK I’m 29

I learned several things this weekend as I celebrated my birthday:
1. Drag shows are like burlesque shows without real boobs.
2. You can fit two people on a massage table at the same time.
3. Flamenco dancers are hot.
4. Jake does a stunning rendition of Hall and Oates’ “Maneater.”
5. Pizza rolls and Humphrey Bogart make hang-overs better.

Allow me to explain …

Friday, we went to a Scandalesque student recital at a place called “The Rock.” I had no idea it was a gay bar until we arrived and there were rainbows everywhere. Jake didn’t seem to mind. He ordered a Long Island Iced Tea; I ordered a Corona. The cute, gay bartender asked Jake if he wanted a lime in his beer. Jake said, “The beer is for her.” The bartender then called me “Butch.” I had a blast seeing dancers I have danced with in class on The Rock’s glittery stage. Jake saw his first feather routine, and I seriously considered slipping a dollar bill in a drag queen’s cleavage. I know, historically, that drag shows grew from burlesque. Now, I’ve seen the proof.

Saturday afternoon, Jake and I got a couple’s massage at Hand and Stone in Goodyear. I asked for deep tissue, and at one point, the young woman asked, “Do you mind if I get on the table with you?” I said, “Sure!” and she did some awesome glute compressions on me. That’s what I meant about two people on a massage table; what did you think I was talking about …?

The roof at The Clarendon Hotel.
After spending the rest of the afternoon by the pool, Jake and I got dressed up and headed downtown to The Clarendon Hotel. We arrived at 5 PM, even though the party didn’t officially start until six. Arriving at five gave us time to wander around, check out the roof, and gawk at the bright, shining pool deck. (I’m obsessed.) It also gave me time to have a Prickly Pear Margarita and time for us to share Gallo Blanco’s citrus guacamole. Unbeknownst to me, there was a flamenco troupe performing in the bar that evening, and seriously—no matter what you look like, if you’re dancing flamenco, you’re hot.

Our gang of twelve rolled in at 6 PM, and we lost ourselves in conversation, cocktails, and TACOS!! Once filled to popping, it was time for karaoke, west valley style, at Tap’s, down the street from our house. Not only did the DJ announce it was my birthday, but I got to see my friends sing, dance, and do about a million shots. In particular, I love when Jake gets on stage. I swear he was born to be a rock star. We were so out of control, in fact, that the next morning, I received a text from one of my buddy’s wives: “That boy is not allowed shots. Puked tons when he got home.”

I wasn’t too hung-over the day after. Miraculous? I suppose. Maybe it was an early birthday gift, considering my official birthday is today. Jake, romantic gentleman that he is, blew up our queen-sized inflatable mattress in the living room yesterday. Together, we watched Casablanca, ate pizza rolls, and dozed, all day long …

Did I have the perfect birthday weekend? I think so. I can’t imagine a better way to spend it, than with the people I have come to know and love here in the Valley. Do I feel introspective today, now that I’m twenty-nine? Not really.

Daddy and me.
I already received the phone call from my mom this morning, marking the very minute I was born. She does it every year, telling me that when her water broke, she thought I was a little demon trying to escape. How my face was blue when I came out and opened my mouth in a silent scream. How my dad had tears in his eyes. (Precious.) I love this phone call. I look forward to it every year, but every year on my birthday, I don’t feel older. I don’t feel different. I just feel excited, because I’ve made it another year—none the wiser but luckier and luckier every day. Face it: It’s not how many years you spend on earth; it’s how you spend them. Today, I’m spending my time with the man I love. He’s the best birthday present I could ask for.