Announcing Bite Somebody Else

Oh, joy of joys! Just in time for Christmas, Bite Somebody Else has magically appeared on Goodreads, and I’m … well …

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The official release date isn’t set in stone yet, but the back cover copy is. Read all about Imogene’s mad adventures in Bite Somebody, Book #2, and be sure to add this one to your Goodreads “Want To Read” list by clicking HERE.  #Imogene4Life


Imogene helped her newbie vampire friend Celia hook up with an adorable human, but now Celia has dropped an atomic bomb of surprise: she has a possibly blood-sucking baby on the way. Imogene is not pleased, especially when a mysterious, ancient, and annoyingly gorgeous vampire historian shows up to monitor Celia’s unprecedented pregnancy.

Lord Nicholas Christopher Cuthbert III is everything Imogene hates: posh, mannerly, and totally uninterested in her. Plus, she thinks he’s hiding something. So what if he smells like a fresh garden and looks like a rich boarding school kid just begging to be debauched? Imogene has self-control. Or something.

As Celia’s pregnancy progresses at a freakishly fast pace, Imogene and Nicholas play an ever-escalating game of will they or won’t they, until his sexy maker shows up on Admiral Key, forcing Nicholas to reveal his true intentions toward Celia’s soon-to-arrive infant.

COMING IN 2017 …

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A Bite Somebody Christmas Special

It’s been called the Pretty in Pink of vampire novels. Bridget Jones with fangs. One reader said, “If you like imagining midnight swims with Benedict Cumberbatch while listening to David Bowie, this is the book for you.” Another reader bemoaned, “This needs to be made into a TV show so I can see it and then complain how it’s not enough like the book. Someone make that happen.” There’s even a hashtag: #Imogene4Life.

BiteSomebody_finalOf course, I’m talking about Bite Somebody.

Released in June of this year, my first novel is a comic take on vampire lore, set in the sweltering heat of Southern Florida. I’ve been blessed by fans who’ve fallen in love with awkward Celia, bad girl Imogene, and sexy surfer Ian. If you’re a blog follower of mine, you’ve probably read Bite Somebody, but what about that friend of yours who needs a good laugh? What about the sister-in-law who loves romance stories? What about that neighbor who loves Anne Rice?

That’s right: it’s Christmas gift time! Here are some options for the vampire / love / comedy / Florida enthusiast in your life:

  1. My amazing publisher, World Weaver Press, is offering free shipping and a dollar off retail cost for the month of December if you order directly from their online store by clicking HERE.
  2. I’m offering you the chance to get signed, personalized copy of Bite Somebody, along with a free Bite Somebody beer koozie. If interested, email me: sara@saradobie.com. We’ll do some Paypal magic and, voila, unique Christmas gift for book nerds everywhere!

I’ve been so blessed this year with kudos, reviews, and general fan hysteria over my ridiculous little novel. And before you even ask, the sequel, Bite Somebody Else, is with my editor and will be available summer of 2017. (For a teaser excerpt, click HERE. This one’s all about Imogene!)

I hope you’ll consider buying Bite Somebody for somebody special this holiday season. And remember, kids: only bite the people you love. Ho-ho-ho! (Who you calling a ho?)

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Rust City 2016: Why do we go to book conferences?

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Last Thursday, I told my husband I was terrified. I had to drive up to Detroit for the very first Rust City Book Con, and I did not want to go. I wanted, in fact, to curl into a tiny ball and cry all weekend. Instead, I had a four hour drive, followed by three days of panels, workshops, and socializing.

Jake, ever patient, said, “You’re going to have fun.”

Of course, he was right. I arrived at Rust City Friday morning, one workshop already under way. The organizer met me barefoot and with a smile, which made me think, “Okay, if Jackie’s barefoot, I’m going to be all right.” (Don’t ask me why this was so comforting, but it was.) Then, fellow author Cali helped me carry stuff up to my hotel room. I’d made a friend.

I sat in on some panels that morning and learned fantastic things about character motivation and the industry. I laughed with other audience members. During the long lunch, I had a beer and was invited to join a table of women with whom I immediately fit. I could cuss and say silly things, and they laughed. They actually LAUGHED.

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Pin the fangs on Bela!

Over the course of the weekend, I sat on some panels of my own. I gave an 8 AM workshop on planning the novel. I did a book signing. A fan ran up and called me “Ms. Bauer,” which made me giggle because no one calls me that. I organized a “Pin the Teeth on Bela Lugosi” game, because why not? I sold some books, but mostly, I guess I networked.

As authors, why do we go to book conferences? Since Rust City was my first as an official author person (thanks to Bite Somebody), I wasn’t sure going in. Now, I think I’m getting an idea as to why conferences are necessary.

It’s not for the money. I did not come close to breaking even, when you consider travel costs, conference costs, and oh, beer costs. Although I learned a few things, the conference was not about education for me, as most of the topics discussed were things I already knew.

Networking? Yes. I think we go to book conferences to network. I was lucky enough to have breakfast with one lovely lady who plans to refer me to her agent. I met authors who think like me, write like me. I have a cornucopia of new Facebook and Twitter pals, and yes, I found a few new readers.

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Roselynn and me

However, maybe just maybe, we authors go to book conferences to feel not so alone. Yes, as writers, we are “high-functioning introverts.” New soul mate Roselynn had a shirt that said, “I’m Done Peopling Today.” I get it; I hid in my hotel room as often as was appropriate.

Despite our general tilt toward the anti-social, though, we need each other because we need to talk about writing. We need to talk about books we love. We need to talk about rejection and how much it can suck being an author, even once you’ve been published.

It’s wonderful to meet our readers, but it’s wonderful to meet other authors, too, and commiserate. And for those of us who write about sex, how nice to have our jokes actually land.

I made the mistake of leaving Rust City Saturday night. I had a lovely, wonderful dinner with old Detroit friends, until a lady at the table behind us complained about me saying “orgasm” in public. Funny how empty it feels when you’re no longer surrounded by “your people.”

I drove home yesterday completely exhausted and “done peopling.” I have a stack of new books to read. I have new friends across the country to keep in touch with. For my first book con as a published author, I’ll call this one a win, not because I made any money but because I felt the love. I laughed. I connected. That’s what Rust City Book Con was really about.

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On Aging

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I recently had the pleasure of doing a photo shoot with old Phoenix friend, Devon, and new Ohio friends Dennis and Cheryl, who did my hair and makeup. It was an impromptu sort of thing. I showed up with no costuming, only shoes, and Cheryl let me play with her clothes.

At the end of the day, we agreed we’d gotten some good shots, and I was exhausted. Following a hurried meal of beer and pizza, I rushed home to my dogs. Then, this week, I got a look at the captures. I called one of my girlfriends immediately, practically screaming into the phone: “I’m an ADULT!”

At thirty-four, this should have been obvious, but it wasn’t to me, especially since Jake and I have been spending many a weekend with his co-workers, most of whom are under the age of twenty-five.

denThe me I saw in those photos was a full grown, mature woman with some wrinkles. I looked back at a photo shoot from 2005, eleven years ago, and yelped at the difference. For the first time in my life, I realized I was aging.

My face looks different now than it did years ago. I’m way more angular, practically noble in my pointed edges. My skin shows evidence of damage. But, I suppose, what shocked me most about my recent photo shoot was the way I posed with power, staring straight into the camera or aloof but confident in others.

Who was this woman in the pictures anyway? She looked like a grown-up. However, most days, I don’t feel like a grown-up, even if I don’t get ID’d for beer anymore. While doing a shot of God knows what at the Flats in downtown Cleveland last weekend, I didn’t feel like an adult. The next morning, when I thought I might die of a hangover, though, I suppose I did.

I have changed, and it’s not just apparent in photos. I’m more organized and driven now than I ever have been, as evidenced by the release of my first novel, Bite Somebody. I’m more fearless, agreeing to star in a short film this summer despite my terror of walking in front of a video camera. I understand what it means to be a friend; I understand what it means to be polite. My temper has calmed some. I’m way less likely to spout off and make a scene now than I was even a couple years ago.

IMG_7310Then again, I also love watching cartoons on Saturday morning. I laugh at really dumb jokes. I’d rather talk about sex than politics, and I absolutely refuse to watch the world news … which might actually be a sign of maturity, since I now know my limits. I am fully aware of things that will crush my spirit, and I avoid them.

I do dishes. I do laundry. I water plants.

Holy shit, I’m an adult. And I’m not getting any younger.

Women in their sixties are laughing at me right now, but this photo shoot brought about an epiphany I was not wholly prepared for. I even started using the anti-wrinkle eye cream my mom gave me because she didn’t want it.

Is aging simply the passage of time? I don’t think so, no matter what my sun damage says. Aging is growing, developing, and (if we’re doing it right) becoming better versions of our previous selves. As we age, we learn and grow. We hopefully become less selfish, although I’m still working on that. We choose to embrace the world around us or shrink from it, depending on personal preference–but, with age, at least we know our own preferences.

I prefer laughter over tears.
I prefer Benedict Cumberbatch.
I prefer a night at home with my husband over a night out in Crazy Town.
I prefer Jeopardy! over the world news.
I prefer the person I am now to the girl I was years ago, and maybe I will one day prefer another, older version of myself.

I’m aging, and it’s kind of scary but all right. I’m still gonna use the wrinkle cream, though.

How to successfully bite somebody

BiteSomebody_finalMy novel, Bite Somebody, came out two weeks ago today, and let’s face it: I am physically and emotionally exhausted and maybe a little melancholy. The same thing happened after my wedding. No, I wasn’t sad I got married, duh. It’s more like a euphoria crash. You’re high, you’re high, and then, you sleep for ten years.

The Bite Somebody feedback has been incredible. Here’s a snippet of some five-star reviews:

“Unabashedly witty and charming, Bite Somebody is what you’d get if John Hughes and Amy Heckerling teamed up to write a vampire rom-com. Bauer’s book is whip-smart, funny as hell, and utterly adorable.”

“Think the classic TV show Three’s Company with a twist! Celia, her human beau Ian, and her vampire bestie Imogene can’t help but get themselves in over their heads when trouble comes knocking at their door. There’s even a crazy landlady!”

“Kudos to Sara Dobie Bauer for knowing how to keep even a cranky old bastard of a reader smiling, and five stars just for the balls on her for asking me to read a chick-lit vampire book.”

Then, there have been the events. I had two official launch parties, one in my hometown of Perrysburg, Ohio, which was a three-hour blur of laughter and utter madness, not to mention the eventual sell-out of every copy of Bite Somebody I had, which led to copious pre-orders (thanks to my husband’s quick thinking).

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I had my second launch party in my current hometown of Chardon, Ohio, where I was warmly welcomed by my new community and, again, sold out of every copy I’d hurriedly ordered from my publisher the week before. I still owe people copies as I await the next shipment.

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Blog posts have been overwhelming in their praise. (One of my faves is this hilarious list of why Bite Somebody is a perfect beach read HERE.) Fellow author Kim Alexander even got me to do a video interview, which was terrifying but turned out fabulous …

I then had the chance to admit to all the shenanigans I pulled on release day HERE. (A Benedict Cumberbatch altar may have been involved.)

What I’ve enjoyed so much is hearing from friends and strangers alike about how much Bite Somebody just makes them laugh. People have said it’s the funniest book they’ve read in years and, on occasion, the funniest book they’ve read EVER. What a fine bit of escapism from the world’s current turmoil, yes?

Friends who know me text because they get the “inside jokes.” They also love to point out that, yes, I am Imogene, the bloodthirsty sidekick, which was totally unintentional.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has supported not only Bite Somebody but me via social media blasts, blog posts, event appearances, and even a simple text message. I’ve dreamed of having a book published, and now that it’s happened, I could never have expected such positive feedback.

The journey does continue, as I begin rewrites for the Bite Somebody sequel, among many other projects happening this year and beyond. There are more interviews and upcoming book conferences, but I still do make time for the occasional rum punch. A moment of silence. A walk with my dogs, cuddle with my hubby.

Bite Somebody is out there, floating around. It’s doing its thing and sharing ridiculous joy, and for that, I am ridiculously joyful.

Do you have your copy yet? Buy it HERE.

Happy Book Birthday, BITE SOMEBODY!

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Today is the day. My first novel, Bite Somebody, is now available for purchase on Amazon, at World Weaver Press, and all over really in paperback and eBook formats.

I currently float in a strange state of half-reality. No, I’m not on my third rum punch. It just feels so surreal. All my life, I’ve dreamt of having a book published, and today, it has happened. I know I’m supposed to be doing social media blasts and promotion, but I feel quite content just sitting here, smiling, and staring out my office window.

There are many people to thank for this accomplishment, but I won’t list them here, because they’re all in the Bite Somebody acknowledgments. I will say (again and again), I never could have done this alone.

Bite Somebody is a book of ridiculous joy, so to everyone who’s ever had a fat day, a sad day, or a maybe-I-don’t-want-to-live-anymore day … Remember to find the funny, because even when blood hunters are after your boyfriend, there’s still Bob Marley. There’s still the ocean. There is still love.


About Bite Somebody:

“Do you want to be perfect?”

That’s what Danny asked Celia the night he turned her into a vampire. Three months have passed since, and immortality didn’t transform her into the glamorous, sexy vamp she was expecting, but left her awkward, lonely, and working at a Florida gas station. On top of that, she’s a giant screw-up of an immortal, because the only blood she consumes is from illegally obtained hospital blood bags.

What she needs to do—according to her moody vampire friend Imogene—is just … bite somebody. But Celia wants her first bite to be special, and she has yet to meet Mr. Right Bite. Then, Ian moves in next door. His scent creeps through her kitchen wall and makes her nose tingle, but insecure Celia can’t bring herself to meet the guy face-to-face.

When she finally gets a look at Ian’s cyclist physique, curly black hair, and sun-kissed skin, other parts of Celia tingle, as well. Could he be the first bite she’s been waiting for to complete her vampire transformation? His kisses certainly have a way of making her fangs throb.

Just when Celia starts to believe Ian may be the fairy tale ending she always wanted, her jerk of a creator returns to town, which spells nothing but trouble for everyone involved.

Buy your copy today:
Amazon (paperback)
Amazon (eBook)
World Weaver Press

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The BITE SOMEBODY Series Fantasy Movie Cast

BiteSomebody_finalThe BITE SOMEBODY series is full of characters. I don’t mean in the literal sense that there are lots of people running around; I mean characters, like the kind of people you don’t forget, either because they’re that weird or they’re that awesome. Depends on your POV.

Whenever I write, I base my characters on real people, usually actors, because I’d get in too much trouble if I based fictional characters on, say,  crazy relatives or that lady who talks to her cats. I digress …

So who would be in the BITE SOMEBODY series movie? You must be dying to know.


Celia Merkin, played by Felicia Day

Celia

The short story that inspired BITE SOMEBODY was first inspired by the TV show The Guild, starring Felicia Day. Although The Guild is about video game nerds, Celia is an 80s nerd, but the parallel just fit, as did the red hair requirement. True, Felicia isn’t quite as curvy as our Celia, but hey, feed her a bunch of cheeseburgers. I can’t picture anyone else playing the bumbling, newbie vamp who makes BITE SOMEBODY so hilariously awkward.

Ian Hasselback, played by Benedict Cumberbatch

Ian

I’m guilty of basing most of my male leads in some way on this beautiful British man. Of course, Ian isn’t British, but thanks to Doctor Strange, we all know Benedict can do an American accent. Ian is a laid back ex-surfer dude with huge, curly, black hair. The actor who plays him will have to infuse some levity into every situation, even while vomiting. (Ian has a weak stomach.) I’m pretty sure Benedict can pull this off, and having him naked in a bathtub doesn’t sound so bad either.

Imogene, played by Sara Dobie Bauer

Imogene

Me. Yeah, I know, I just cast myself in my fantasy film version of the BITE SOMEBODY series, but hear me out. This is not my fault. It was suggested by a first reader, very early on, that I’d accidentally based Imogene on the way I look and, yeah, okay, on my somewhat snarky and morally flexible behavior. Imogene likes boys. Imogene likes rum punches. Imogene likes combat boots and sparkly high heels, and she says whatever she’s thinking, no matter how inappropriate. If that doesn’t sound like me, then … you haven’t met me.

Lord Nicholas Christopher Cuthbert III, played by Benedict Cumberbatch

Nicholas

I know, I’m ridiculous, but Benedict is my muse, okay? Granted, it’ll be hard for him to play all the romantic male leads in the BITE SOMEBODY series, but the twins in The Parent Trap were obviously both Hayley Mills, so there. Whereas Ian is sweet and soft, Nicholas is snarky and strong. He’s red carpet Benedict with his expensive suits and impeccable grooming.

Dr. Rayna Savage, played by Catherine Zeta-Jones

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Everything about Dr. Savage is perfect, and well, Catherine is perfect. She’s a lifelong girl crush of mine, and she’d look absolutely banging in an expensive business suit with sexy specs. Plus, she has the grace to exude that “Oh-wow-you’re-an-idiot” expression that every snotty therapist requires.

Dean the Human, played by Jensen Ackles

Dean

This one’s dedicated to my gal pal Sam. If Dr. Savage is going to have a boyfriend, why not make him gorgeous? Jensen has the pretty boy good looks and effortless charm a vampire-human relationship deserves.

Danny, played by Colin Farrell

Danny

Another hot guy? Yes. Don’t judge me! I like hot guys! For Celia’s smoldering bad boy maker, who better than this Irish stud muffin? He’s got the dark hair and eyes required to play the part, and he’s also got the attitude. He’ll look fantastic in a pinstripe suit, and we already know Colin can play a vampire thanks to Fright Night. He might actually be a vampire.

Vixen the Stripper, played by Christina Hendricks

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As Danny’s ditzy paramour, I need an actress who can play angry/crazy while rocking red hair and big boobs. Done. Plus, Christina’s overall lusciousness would really do a number on Celia’s self-esteem.

Amora Savoy, played by Penelope Cruz

Amora Savoy

To play the immortal maker of The Great Lover (Nicholas), you better be hot. Ms. Cruz is definitely hot … and maybe a bit of a bad girl. Amora is A LOT bad, but she looks and sounds super sweet. Whenever I wrote her dialogue, I heard Penelope’s cute voice talking. Plus, the woman really knows how to fill out a formal gown. Meow.

Olivier Winsome, played by Jeremy Irons

Olivier

There is nothing cuddly about this leader of a vampire watchdog organization. He loves bossing people around, especially Nicholas, and he is one ancient, ballsy dude. Ever since I saw Irons in Lolita, I’ve been equally scared and in love with this charming English gent. He seems like the kind of guy who could make you smile right before he stabs you. Warm and cuddly … but not at all? Yep, that’s Olivier.

Heidi, played by Helen Mirren

Heidi

I would partially cast Dame Helen just so my husband could meet her and hopefully get to kiss her. BUT I also love her sense of humor and willingness to act the fool. Celia’s landlady and owner of the Sleeping Gull Apartments is obnoxious, overly tan, and never to be seen without her horrific yellow wig. She drinks margaritas and smokes weed. From what I’ve seen of Helen, I bet she’d get down with some bad beach behavior.


So now you’ve met the cast of the BITE SOMEBODY series fantasy film. Have you ordered your copies yet? Sigh. Now, I just need to get to work on that screenplay …

Longboat Key: The Real BITE SOMEBODY Location

The Florida locale where all Bite Somebody hijinks go down is referred to in the book as “Admiral Key,” but it’s based on a real place in Florida called Longboat Key.  My family has been vacationing there since long before I was old enough to drink rum punches. Now, every year, my Aunt Susie (and sometimes my mom) head down to Longboat Key for what we call “The Bite Somebody Pilgrimage.” I was just there in April, and I brought back photos of not only the real locations but also … a real character.

Book: The Drift Inn (and Angry Santa)
Real Life: The Drift-In (and Dave)

Much alcohol consumption occurs at this dirty dive bar on  real life Bradenton Beach. We pay homage every year by drinking cheap beer and dancing. We also try not to annoy the perpetually silent bar back, Dave (nicknamed “Angry Santa”), who’s actually super friendly if you get him on his day off.

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Me with Angry Santa!! And it's kind of awkward how much that mannequin looks like me.

Me with Angry Santa!! And it’s kind of awkward how much that mannequin looks like me.

Book: The Sleeping Gull Apartments
Real Life: Little Gull Cottages

I’ve ridden my bike (like Ian) past these cottages so many times, and I think they’re adorable. When I started writing Bite Somebody, there was no other option for where Celia and Ian would live. And don’t forget about their crazy landlady, Heidi, who’s based on an actual lady who walks the beaches of Longboat Key in a blonde wig.

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Book: The Daiquiri Deck
Real Life: Um, The Daiquiri Deck

Imogene plays a rousing game of Marry-Screw-Kill on the balcony of the Daiquiri Deck in real life St. Armands Circle while Celia drinks my favorite beverage: Kryptonite, a mixture of the establishment’s Electric Lemonade & Green Parrot with Grain Alcohol on top. Aunt Susie and I always pay a visit.

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Book: Florida’s Gulf Coast
Real Life: Um, Florida’s Gulf Coast

Ready for a night swim? Celia sure does like a good midnight plunge into the ocean, and so do I, much to the horror of my aunt, who had to remind me, “You’re not actually an immortal vampire.” I didn’t drown this year. The water felt warm. In fact, I’d go so far as to say, I felt a bit like a mermaid …

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Book: Poe’s Park
Real Life: Durante Community Park

Some sexy time ensues in a certain foliage-filled park on fictitious Admiral Key. On Longboat Key, this park exists, although under a different name. I’ve never been there at night, but Susie and I often go for bike rides here, where we try to spot dolphins and manatees in the harbor.

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Book: Rum Punches
Real Life: SEVERAL Rum Punches

Imogene’s favorite drink in Bite Somebody is a rum punch because, quote, “It’s beachy, bitch.” I first discovered these concoctions on my honeymoon in Belize, and I brought the recipe home: a mix of spiced rum, strawberry-banana juice, peach juice, and ice. I’ve mastered the technique, and Imogene’s right: they’re beachy.

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One more farewell from The Drift-In. Don’t forget to pre-order your copy of Bite Somebody today, coming June 21st from World Weaver Press. Click HERE to order, and a happy splash of rum punch in your general direction!

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Aunt Susie with Bite Somebody … and our new friends!

Gone Girl ruined women’s fiction

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As part of my job, I review books, which means I receive about nine advance review copies a week. Yes, nine. My husband just loves the immense stack of never-to-be-read books piled willy-nilly in my office. Why will some books—many books—never be read?

Because they’re all the same book.

I’m not saying I blame Gillian Flynn for the current overbearing trend in women’s literature. In fact, I think she’s extremely talented and introduced a groundbreaking genre with her masterpiece Gone Girl. The publishing industry apparently agrees, considering they’re now almost exclusively publishing Gone Girl wannabes OR books about Sad Shit.

Allow me to quote some cover copy from upcoming releases:
“A provocative and relentlessly gripping novel about seduction and betrayal …”
“The heartbreak is overwhelming …”
“A suspenseful novel about a woman who fakes her death …”

There are troubled girls, missing girls, revenge, and ostensibly, everything is now Suspenseful, Stunning, and Shocking. (I guess alliteration is big right now, too.) In this new era of women’s fiction, everyone is betrayed or abandoned. Everyone is broken.

I used to get excited when FedEx knocked on my door with another specially-wrapped ARC from HarperCollins, St. Martin’s Press, et cetera. Now, I barely bat an eye, because I just know I’m going to open that package and see another book with a sad woman on the cover.

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Why won’t you LOOK AT ME?

(By the way, this is a trend we can’t blame on Gillian Flynn. There’s a joke that all Nicholas Sparks books should be called “White People Kissing,” based on the covers. Well, now, all women’s lit books are pictures of women facing away from the camera, presumably because they’re all crying. Yawn.)

I am so tired of a) suspense novels about disappearing wives/murder/deceit/dead children and b) sad ass stories about redemption and reconciliation. If I get one more book with “gripping” in the marketing copy, I might scream.

The publishing world is so oversaturated with depressing women’s fiction, I have to wonder if the big publishing houses are even paying attention. I understand they’re looking for the next Gone Girl or Girl on the Train, but I’ve had enough.

I’m not innocent. I do write some depressing stuff on occasion, but for the most part, I write stories so far outside the realm of reality, I dare to say I’m depressing no one. Take my novel, BITE SOMEBODY. It’s about an awkward, 80s-obsessed vampire named Celia who’s in love with the smell of her neighbor. She drinks A-positive blood because it makes her feel like she got a good grade.

Now, you could say, “Not another vampire book!” However, mine is different. It’s a vampire book that makes fun of vampire books. It’s also not particularly “gripping” or “provocative” or “shocking” (unless you count the bit about a pilfered Virgin Mary statue).

I’m really hoping someone notices the Gone Girl trend and writes a parody. It would be super simple. Just make the husband run away, have nobody notice he’s gone, and The End.

Thanks to popular publishing, we are now being fed the same book over and over infinitum. Do we blame Gillian Flynn? No. It’s not her fault her book was successful. However, she did start this whole mess, so perhaps, she gets a bit of my flack. More so, it’s the industry itself that can’t stop publishing depressing shit in an era when depressing is the last thing we need because, oh, terrorists.

I say go out and read something funny. Read something not under the umbrella of “suspense thriller.” Read something that isn’t about cancer or betrayal or infidelity. I realize that really cuts down on your modern literature options, but maybe, if we all huddle together and read funny books, the publishing houses will realize there are only so many incarnations of Nick and Amy Dunne we’re willing to read.