On Aging


I recently had the pleasure of doing a photo shoot with old Phoenix friend, Devon, and new Ohio friends Dennis and Cheryl, who did my hair and makeup. It was an impromptu sort of thing. I showed up with no costuming, only shoes, and Cheryl let me play with her clothes.

At the end of the day, we agreed we’d gotten some good shots, and I was exhausted. Following a hurried meal of beer and pizza, I rushed home to my dogs. Then, this week, I got a look at the captures. I called one of my girlfriends immediately, practically screaming into the phone: “I’m an ADULT!”

At thirty-four, this should have been obvious, but it wasn’t to me, especially since Jake and I have been spending many a weekend with his co-workers, most of whom are under the age of twenty-five.

denThe me I saw in those photos was a full grown, mature woman with some wrinkles. I looked back at a photo shoot from 2005, eleven years ago, and yelped at the difference. For the first time in my life, I realized I was aging.

My face looks different now than it did years ago. I’m way more angular, practically noble in my pointed edges. My skin shows evidence of damage. But, I suppose, what shocked me most about my recent photo shoot was the way I posed with power, staring straight into the camera or aloof but confident in others.

Who was this woman in the pictures anyway? She looked like a grown-up. However, most days, I don’t feel like a grown-up, even if I don’t get ID’d for beer anymore. While doing a shot of God knows what at the Flats in downtown Cleveland last weekend, I didn’t feel like an adult. The next morning, when I thought I might die of a hangover, though, I suppose I did.

I have changed, and it’s not just apparent in photos. I’m more organized and driven now than I ever have been, as evidenced by the release of my first novel, Bite Somebody. I’m more fearless, agreeing to star in a short film this summer despite my terror of walking in front of a video camera. I understand what it means to be a friend; I understand what it means to be polite. My temper has calmed some. I’m way less likely to spout off and make a scene now than I was even a couple years ago.

IMG_7310Then again, I also love watching cartoons on Saturday morning. I laugh at really dumb jokes. I’d rather talk about sex than politics, and I absolutely refuse to watch the world news … which might actually be a sign of maturity, since I now know my limits. I am fully aware of things that will crush my spirit, and I avoid them.

I do dishes. I do laundry. I water plants.

Holy shit, I’m an adult. And I’m not getting any younger.

Women in their sixties are laughing at me right now, but this photo shoot brought about an epiphany I was not wholly prepared for. I even started using the anti-wrinkle eye cream my mom gave me because she didn’t want it.

Is aging simply the passage of time? I don’t think so, no matter what my sun damage says. Aging is growing, developing, and (if we’re doing it right) becoming better versions of our previous selves. As we age, we learn and grow. We hopefully become less selfish, although I’m still working on that. We choose to embrace the world around us or shrink from it, depending on personal preference–but, with age, at least we know our own preferences.

I prefer laughter over tears.
I prefer Benedict Cumberbatch.
I prefer a night at home with my husband over a night out in Crazy Town.
I prefer Jeopardy! over the world news.
I prefer the person I am now to the girl I was years ago, and maybe I will one day prefer another, older version of myself.

I’m aging, and it’s kind of scary but all right. I’m still gonna use the wrinkle cream, though.

How to successfully bite somebody

BiteSomebody_finalMy novel, Bite Somebody, came out two weeks ago today, and let’s face it: I am physically and emotionally exhausted and maybe a little melancholy. The same thing happened after my wedding. No, I wasn’t sad I got married, duh. It’s more like a euphoria crash. You’re high, you’re high, and then, you sleep for ten years.

The Bite Somebody feedback has been incredible. Here’s a snippet of some five-star reviews:

“Unabashedly witty and charming, Bite Somebody is what you’d get if John Hughes and Amy Heckerling teamed up to write a vampire rom-com. Bauer’s book is whip-smart, funny as hell, and utterly adorable.”

“Think the classic TV show Three’s Company with a twist! Celia, her human beau Ian, and her vampire bestie Imogene can’t help but get themselves in over their heads when trouble comes knocking at their door. There’s even a crazy landlady!”

“Kudos to Sara Dobie Bauer for knowing how to keep even a cranky old bastard of a reader smiling, and five stars just for the balls on her for asking me to read a chick-lit vampire book.”

Then, there have been the events. I had two official launch parties, one in my hometown of Perrysburg, Ohio, which was a three-hour blur of laughter and utter madness, not to mention the eventual sell-out of every copy of Bite Somebody I had, which led to copious pre-orders (thanks to my husband’s quick thinking).


I had my second launch party in my current hometown of Chardon, Ohio, where I was warmly welcomed by my new community and, again, sold out of every copy I’d hurriedly ordered from my publisher the week before. I still owe people copies as I await the next shipment.


Blog posts have been overwhelming in their praise. (One of my faves is this hilarious list of why Bite Somebody is a perfect beach read HERE.) Fellow author Kim Alexander even got me to do a video interview, which was terrifying but turned out fabulous …

I then had the chance to admit to all the shenanigans I pulled on release day HERE. (A Benedict Cumberbatch altar may have been involved.)

What I’ve enjoyed so much is hearing from friends and strangers alike about how much Bite Somebody just makes them laugh. People have said it’s the funniest book they’ve read in years and, on occasion, the funniest book they’ve read EVER. What a fine bit of escapism from the world’s current turmoil, yes?

Friends who know me text because they get the “inside jokes.” They also love to point out that, yes, I am Imogene, the bloodthirsty sidekick, which was totally unintentional.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has supported not only Bite Somebody but me via social media blasts, blog posts, event appearances, and even a simple text message. I’ve dreamed of having a book published, and now that it’s happened, I could never have expected such positive feedback.

The journey does continue, as I begin rewrites for the Bite Somebody sequel, among many other projects happening this year and beyond. There are more interviews and upcoming book conferences, but I still do make time for the occasional rum punch. A moment of silence. A walk with my dogs, cuddle with my hubby.

Bite Somebody is out there, floating around. It’s doing its thing and sharing ridiculous joy, and for that, I am ridiculously joyful.

Do you have your copy yet? Buy it HERE.

Happy Book Birthday, BITE SOMEBODY!


Today is the day. My first novel, Bite Somebody, is now available for purchase on Amazon, at World Weaver Press, and all over really in paperback and eBook formats.

I currently float in a strange state of half-reality. No, I’m not on my third rum punch. It just feels so surreal. All my life, I’ve dreamt of having a book published, and today, it has happened. I know I’m supposed to be doing social media blasts and promotion, but I feel quite content just sitting here, smiling, and staring out my office window.

There are many people to thank for this accomplishment, but I won’t list them here, because they’re all in the Bite Somebody acknowledgments. I will say (again and again), I never could have done this alone.

Bite Somebody is a book of ridiculous joy, so to everyone who’s ever had a fat day, a sad day, or a maybe-I-don’t-want-to-live-anymore day … Remember to find the funny, because even when blood hunters are after your boyfriend, there’s still Bob Marley. There’s still the ocean. There is still love.

About Bite Somebody:

“Do you want to be perfect?”

That’s what Danny asked Celia the night he turned her into a vampire. Three months have passed since, and immortality didn’t transform her into the glamorous, sexy vamp she was expecting, but left her awkward, lonely, and working at a Florida gas station. On top of that, she’s a giant screw-up of an immortal, because the only blood she consumes is from illegally obtained hospital blood bags.

What she needs to do—according to her moody vampire friend Imogene—is just … bite somebody. But Celia wants her first bite to be special, and she has yet to meet Mr. Right Bite. Then, Ian moves in next door. His scent creeps through her kitchen wall and makes her nose tingle, but insecure Celia can’t bring herself to meet the guy face-to-face.

When she finally gets a look at Ian’s cyclist physique, curly black hair, and sun-kissed skin, other parts of Celia tingle, as well. Could he be the first bite she’s been waiting for to complete her vampire transformation? His kisses certainly have a way of making her fangs throb.

Just when Celia starts to believe Ian may be the fairy tale ending she always wanted, her jerk of a creator returns to town, which spells nothing but trouble for everyone involved.

Buy your copy today:
Amazon (paperback)
Amazon (eBook)
World Weaver Press


Longboat Key: The Real BITE SOMEBODY Location

The Florida locale where all Bite Somebody hijinks go down is referred to in the book as “Admiral Key,” but it’s based on a real place in Florida called Longboat Key.  My family has been vacationing there since long before I was old enough to drink rum punches. Now, every year, my Aunt Susie (and sometimes my mom) head down to Longboat Key for what we call “The Bite Somebody Pilgrimage.” I was just there in April, and I brought back photos of not only the real locations but also … a real character.

Book: The Drift Inn (and Angry Santa)
Real Life: The Drift-In (and Dave)

Much alcohol consumption occurs at this dirty dive bar on  real life Bradenton Beach. We pay homage every year by drinking cheap beer and dancing. We also try not to annoy the perpetually silent bar back, Dave (nicknamed “Angry Santa”), who’s actually super friendly if you get him on his day off.


Me with Angry Santa!! And it's kind of awkward how much that mannequin looks like me.

Me with Angry Santa!! And it’s kind of awkward how much that mannequin looks like me.

Book: The Sleeping Gull Apartments
Real Life: Little Gull Cottages

I’ve ridden my bike (like Ian) past these cottages so many times, and I think they’re adorable. When I started writing Bite Somebody, there was no other option for where Celia and Ian would live. And don’t forget about their crazy landlady, Heidi, who’s based on an actual lady who walks the beaches of Longboat Key in a blonde wig.


Book: The Daiquiri Deck
Real Life: Um, The Daiquiri Deck

Imogene plays a rousing game of Marry-Screw-Kill on the balcony of the Daiquiri Deck in real life St. Armands Circle while Celia drinks my favorite beverage: Kryptonite, a mixture of the establishment’s Electric Lemonade & Green Parrot with Grain Alcohol on top. Aunt Susie and I always pay a visit.


Book: Florida’s Gulf Coast
Real Life: Um, Florida’s Gulf Coast

Ready for a night swim? Celia sure does like a good midnight plunge into the ocean, and so do I, much to the horror of my aunt, who had to remind me, “You’re not actually an immortal vampire.” I didn’t drown this year. The water felt warm. In fact, I’d go so far as to say, I felt a bit like a mermaid …


Book: Poe’s Park
Real Life: Durante Community Park

Some sexy time ensues in a certain foliage-filled park on fictitious Admiral Key. On Longboat Key, this park exists, although under a different name. I’ve never been there at night, but Susie and I often go for bike rides here, where we try to spot dolphins and manatees in the harbor.


Book: Rum Punches
Real Life: SEVERAL Rum Punches

Imogene’s favorite drink in Bite Somebody is a rum punch because, quote, “It’s beachy, bitch.” I first discovered these concoctions on my honeymoon in Belize, and I brought the recipe home: a mix of spiced rum, strawberry-banana juice, peach juice, and ice. I’ve mastered the technique, and Imogene’s right: they’re beachy.


One more farewell from The Drift-In. Don’t forget to pre-order your copy of Bite Somebody today, coming June 21st from World Weaver Press. Click HERE to order, and a happy splash of rum punch in your general direction!


Aunt Susie with Bite Somebody … and our new friends!