This Rocky Horror remake really pisses me off

tim-curry

No. Just no. I watched the teaser for Fox’s Rocky Horror Picture Show remake, to air in October, and just … no. Look, I’m happy that maybe this remake will introduce a whole new generation of viewers to the glory that is Dr. Frank N. Furter, but …

No, I’m lying.

Tim Curry is and forever will be Dr. Frank N. Furter. I mean no disrespect to Laverne Cox, who I’m sure will do a good job, but from what the teaser showed me, she’s just doing a Tim Curry impersonation. AND why is a woman playing this part? I know, some chicks are going to be all up in my grill over this, but “Sweet Transvestite” doesn’t have the same ring when it’s a woman singing about dressing up like a woman!

GAH! I can’t ….

Even …

Type ….

Dfkjhvpiouzxjcvkmasndijhasjmjndvcxkzmncviuyerhf!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve observed Hollywood is going through this phase where they’re just making the same movie over and over again, but you can’t remake a cult classic. Cult classics become classics by accident. When they were first making the low budget B-film that is Rocky Horror Picture Show, nobody knew it was going to become the salvation of teenage freaks everywhere. They didn’t know it would become the perpetual, immortal midnight show. They didn’t know suicidal goth kids like me would consider the film to be Practically Perfect in Every Way.

The beauty of the original Rocky Horror Picture Show is that it isn’t beautiful. It’s a hysterical mess of cheap costuming, campy music, and the glorious thing that is Tim Curry in tights. Without Tim Curry, the movie would have sucked. He MADE that movie. Now, they’re making it without him (although I think he has a cameo), and they’re expecting it to be as magical as it was in 1975?

Rocky Horror Picture Show saved my life.
When I used to dye my hair black and write “you’re ugly” on mirrors …
When I used to hide beneath clothes three sizes too big …
When I used to smoke cigarettes and cut myself with my own fingernails …
Rocky Horror Picture Show was there, telling me, “Don’t dream it, be it.”

So maybe the remake will save some other troubled kids … but not if it sucks! If they actually give the movie a respectable budget, feature famous people, and just try to imitate the original, the remake is going to flop and troubled kids will miss the point. The biggest flaw, truly, is casting a female as Dr. Frank N. Furter, because part of embracing the freak in me was seeing a man in drag and realizing my freakiness was okay. Not only okay but pretty damn cool.

8 thoughts on “This Rocky Horror remake really pisses me off

  1. “but you can’t remake a cult classic”
    I agree. I hadn’t heard about this. Some things need to be left alone–it’s not like the original has disappeared. Heck they are still showing it in theaters!

  2. So so so sooo disappointed to hear this 😦 totally ruined my day.
    All we wanted to do was keep a cult classic goddamn it! A reasonable request which they’ve chosen to ignore….

  3. I just love you. I hope this goes viral. You should make a Youtube video of this review, dressed up as your favorite character. Actually, you should become a movie reviewer on Youtube. You are way better than most of the reviewers around. And imagine what you could do every time a Cumberbatch movie comes out!!

  4. I didn’t see Rocky Horror until I was already an adult, so it oesn’t mean much of anything to me, unfortunately. For years the jokes had been made in excess to me by overzealous fans (though not to the point of ruination that Dr. Who has been) and I was just not interested. But, I am absolutely, 100% against the remake frenzy that is relentlessly being thrown at us, and I agree with every single one of your points, from “Sweet Transvestite” not meaning a whole lot coming from not a transvestite, to “You can’t remake a cult classic”! Ugh.

  5. Let’s take a timeless classic that meant a lot to people, and see if we can ruin it, shit on it, and squeeze enough money out of it so it’ll be ruined for today’s generations.

    Half the fun of cult classics was discovering them when as a kid, and finding run down theatre’s playing it at midnight, in out of the way places. RHP was like being on weed before I smoked weed, that kind of strange euphoria. Not just the movie but all the people doing the crazy riffs with the movie, dressing up, and tossing props.

    • “Strange euphoria” is SO ACCURATE haha. That’s exactly how the movie makes me feel. Lucky for me, I’m already booked this evening. I will miss the remake, which is probably good for my blood pressure …

  6. I was just curious, cuz I fuckin looove the original, love curry, so I just checked out on u tube, the new let’s do the time warp and sweet transvestite, ….. they were the shittiest worst terribleist? Horrible things I’ve ever seen. Do not bother! Curry as frank n further and meat loaf and Bostwick and shit, just go original!

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