It started at the gym. For some reason, my hip-hop rockin’ gym music turned soft and played Taylor Swift’s Love Story the other day. If you know anything about the song Love Story, you know it stays in your head—forever—but the longer it stayed in my head, the more I thought about it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized Taylor Swift never went to high school. And if she did, she got through on looks alone.
I’m not bashing Taylor Swift, per se. She seems like a nice person, and I like her fashion style. However, the song Love Story is a sad reminder of cultural idiocy, and it irritated me to the point of actual wrath. Wanna hear some of the lyrics? Sure you do.
See you make your way through the crowd
And say, “Hello,” Little did I know…
That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles,
And my daddy said, “Stay away from Juliet”
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you, “Please don’t go…”
Okay, so we have the basic plotline. She is Juliet; her beau is Romeo. We know how this turns out, but apparently, Taylor Swift does not. At the end of the song, the star-crossed lovers end up happily ever after. They get married, with Daddy’s blessing. The last line of the song is, “We were both young when I first saaaaaaw you,” when the last line should actually be, “Then we killed ourselves in the family toooo-ooomb …” There is furthermore an allusion to the Scarlet Letter: “cause you were Romeo—I was a scarlet letter.” Is she trying to say she was an adulterous? Because that’s cool, if that’s what she’s trying to say; however, I’m pretty sure that’s not what she’s trying to say.
It isn’t all Taylor’s fault. Like I said, maybe she didn’t go to high school, so maybe she’s not aware that Romeo and Juliet represent one of the most tragic love stories in the history of literature. Maybe she doesn’t know that being Hester Prynne isn’t a good thing. But what about the adults who said, “Yeah, that song has some strong lyrics. Let’s record it and put it on the radio.” Then, there were the award nominations and through-the-roof album sales. Who’s to blame for all that? Well, I guess we are. Not me personally, since I can’t stand Taylor Swift’s music, but in a way I feel responsible, because it took me this long to write a blog post about it.
Ms. Swift is not the only guilty party. Cultural confusion apparently afflicts many modern musicians. Recently, Maroon 5 came out with a catchy tune called “Moves like Jagger.” The chorus goes (barf):
I don’t need to try to control you
Look into my eyes and I’ll own you
With them moves like Jagger
I’ve got the moves like Jagger
I don’t dislike lead singer Adam Levine. He seems like an okay dude, but I wonder, Mr. Levine, have you ever seen the moves of Mick Jagger? Personally, when he’s on stage, I worry he’s on the cusp of seizure. That’s just my opinion, but formulate your own by watching this video.
The Mick Jagger confusion continues with Ke$ha (yes, the idiot uses a dollar sign in her name). It’s bad enough that the woman can’t actually sing; she has to bastardize the American language in the process. In her song “Tik Tok,” not only does she make asinine allusions to P. Diddy and Jack Daniel’s, but she says:
And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger.
Honey. Sweetheart. I know you’re young, but if you saw a guy who looked like Mick Jagger (even young Mick Jagger), you’d probably be running for the door.
What happened to good song lyrics? What happened to sensible artists? It wouldn’t be such a big deal; I can turn off the radio and listen to my own CDs. But these people—the ones I’ve mentioned above—are the ones selling albums. They’re the ones nominated for awards. They’re the ones “kids” listen to, and “kids” are losing brain cells in the process. And KIDS are supposed to be OUR FUTURE! <Scream of terror!>
I’m sick of having Taylor Swift in my head. I’m sick of listening to the radio. I didn’t want to be mean today, but I couldn’t help it. Being mean is sometimes the only way to make people wake up and stop listening to the crap they’re being fed. For your own sake, go buy a CD by an artist you would never hear on the radio. Give a newbie a chance. You might strike gold.