Since When Is 28 Old?

Holy crap, I’m OLD! Call an ambulance. Get me a walker. And I want one of those “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” buttons. Because I turned 28 on Sunday, and all of a sudden, I’m freakin’ old! How in the hell did this happen?!

In celebration of my birthday, my little bro (the bastard is only 24) came to visit this past weekend. In case you didn’t know, Matt Dobie is one of my favorite people on earth. We don’t really act like bro and sis; we act more like two politically incorrect movie critics who love beer and talking about inane topics until 3 AM. So over the weekend, we celebrated our faces off. List of activities included First Friday at the PHX Art Museum; pool party; Westgate binge drinking; Diamondbacks baseball game; and finally, hiking Camelback Mountain.

It is the final item on my list that will explain to you why, at age 28, I am suddenly old. Matt and I headed to Camelback yesterday, but we got a late start. We didn’t get there until 10:30 AM, and despite the 100-degree temp, I still thought, This’ll be cake. I’m a serious hiker. CAKE. So we started hiking. We had our nifty water bottles, and I looked all cute and athletic in my sports bra and bandana. We started walking; I began to realize that Camelback Mountain summit trail ain’t gonna be a walk in the park. Instead, it was straight up and down. And did I mention it was hot out there?

Anyway, we made it about 3/8ths of the way up. (I saw a sign that told me so.) After a particularly grueling segment, I stopped, turned to Matt, and said, “I don’t think I can do this.” I said “don’t think,” but what I meant was, “I’m going to hurl if we take one more step.” Seriously, I had to turn around and head back down! I felt like my lungs were burning. I couldn’t get a deep breath. Then, came the nausea. Then, the dizziness. Then, thankfully, Matt Dobie said, “Yeah, you look like you need to go back down,” because he could have kept going since he is only 24! And I’m OLD!

When I was a youngster, I used to kick ass and take names on hikes out west—middle of the summer even, beneath raging sun and scalding blue sky. My dad and I hiked nine miles of the Grand Canyon in August. I’ve hiked down from the top of the Grand Tetons. I conquered Canyonlands, and I could possibly do the Narrows hike in Zion until the water ran dry. But now, I’m old, so I have no idea what this stupid body is capable of anymore. Matt, God love him, said “It’s just your allergies.” Yeah, I know that’s part of it, but if it was just allergies, why were my legs shaking on the way down? As far as I know, pollen does not affect muscle strength.

So anyway, here I am, an old woman. Laugh all you want. I know my dad has been. As of last Sunday, I am now 28. My little bro has come and gone from our Valley of the Sun, and we had a mighty fine time. I guess I have to smile a little though, because sure, Jake can probably scale Camelback Mountain, but his birthday is in October ‘81. At least someone will always be older than me …

5 thoughts on “Since When Is 28 Old?

  1. I can totally relate. Andy and I went running yesterday and I found myself glaring at some “young” (as in low 20’s) bikers. I said, “Biking is so much easier than running!” probably a little too loud. haha. I also feel like I can’t get away with eating whatever I want like I did in my late teens- early 20’s. Although I suppose it’s good that we’re out of college and not tormenting our bodies with 5 days of binge drinking…the bright side..
    Ahhh who am I kidding, I would go back to OU in a second!

    1. How’s it feel to be the bitter old lady? HA. Just messin’ with ya.

      I feel like my trip to Ohio WAS a lot like binge drinking in college. Which would explain why I feel puffy. And you’re right, I’d go back to OU, too. However, nowadays, I’d end up being the messy girl at the bar that everyone points at. That, or (like someone else I know) I’d try to escape when my friends told me it was time to go to bed …

  2. Sara, Ha ha, I love it! especially since I turned 60 this week and I can’t believe you had trouble. Of course, I haven’t tried hiking up any mountains lately. Guess I better get in shape before we come to visit. Love how much fun you and Matt have together.

  3. I’m 27, and went back to a lot of football games at my alma mater this fall. One weekend I paid a visit to my old fraternity house. At that point I realized…I can still out drink, out run, out lift, out hunt, out fish, pick up more girls, and have a lot more knowledge, experience, and income than my 19 year old counterparts at the house. In the words of Peyton Manning, “If I had to pick between youth and experience…I’ll take experience everytime.” I might feel different when I’m 30, but as long as I have a ‘2’ in front of my age I still consider myself a young buck!

    1. Hmm. Well, I know I can’t out-drink kids at my alma mater anymore. I COULD probably pick up more guys, though. But are you saying that once we hit 30, it’s downhill? Nay, sir, say it ain’t so! To use a cheerful cliche, 30 is the new 20. Right? Right?!!

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