The Banana Spiders Are Copulating, Part II

My friendly neighborhood banana spider did not move for the first three hours of my workday. And I was terrified. If you’ll recall, I introduced the banana spider to you before, back in July, when I first met MISS Banana Spider and mistakenly referred to her as a MISTER. Many apologies, MISS Banana Spider. That first entry is HERE. Now I know that the monster outside my window is actually a chick and that she brings boys home to mate with and then eat. (Smart spider.)

Anyway, this morning, she wasn’t moving, and some part of me wanted to curl into a tiny ball and sob like a 5-year-old with a broken toy. Take pause, readers, because it made me wonder, too. Wonder: have I gotten attached to the ugly thing? Embarrassing but true. I’ve become attached to her. Ms. Banana Spider with her ever-expanding yellow ass and her hairy knuckles. Ms. Banana Spider who most recently caught a moth the side of a silver dollar. I watched as she chowed down and then, saved some for later. And I sighed and said, “Awwww,” like I was looking at a damn puppy.


It could have something to do with the note I received after my initial Banana Spider post, from a dear friend who was born and raised in Sullivan’s Island, SC, entitled “In Response to Sara Dobie’s Hating of Banana Spiders.” And I quote: “Instead of murdering that fascinating mosquito feasting female that lingers outside your window, open it, and thank her that you are not suffering from Malaria… and if you don’t like it… GO BACK TO OHIO!!!” (Ah-hem.) Okay. Sorry. Beyond the chiding, this note also taught me that the MISTER was a MISS, for instance, and that MISS loves mosquitoes, which we all know were created specifically to torture me. Therefore, “In Response…” writer, I do thank Ms. Banana Spider, for possessing such an excellent palate.

But maybe the attachment has nothing to do with the note. Maybe the attachment has to do with everything repetitive in life—you get used to it, so when it’s gone, it leaves something lacking. It leaves a hole that you never even knew it filled. And that is Ms. Banana Spider. I’ve watched her since July. She’s crawled around. She’s stared at me through the window. (I swear I could see her beady eyes judging my hairstyle.) She keeps her web nice and clean, and she has yet to kill a bird or a poodle. I can barely admit to it, but dang it, I like her. And this morning, she wasn’t moving. I told my coworkers. I made them look at her, and they all shook their heads, hopeless.

I hunched over my computer and tried not to think about having to watch Ms. Banana Spider rot and disappear into the overgrown bushes below my office window. But then! Then, she started moving! I sat up straight and yelled “She’s ALIVE! She’s ALIVE!” I think I heard someone mutter “nerd,” but I didn’t care. My little friend wasn’t dead. In fact, she was climbing all over the place, waving her creepy eight legs as if to say, “Hello, world, I’m ready for another day of blood-sucking and slow prey asphyxiation. Woooooo!” 

Okay, yeah, so I’m a nerd. But at least I have my little friend back—a companion who protects me from biting bugs and terrifies a guy in our shipping department. How many of you can say the same?

(Dedicated, of course, to Freddie and Bowie.)

NOOO Ms. Banana Spider! Not the BIRD! (Haha...just kidding...the bird she's eating right now is way bigger than that one...)
NOOO Ms. Banana Spider! Not the BIRD! (Haha...just kidding...the bird she's eating right now is way bigger than that one...)

10 thoughts on “The Banana Spiders Are Copulating, Part II

  1. Today… I woke up… late… and jumped in the shower, got my makeup on and ran out the door. Didnt even brush my hair… I just threw it up in a ponytail. I picked up the mail and got to work. It is unusually busy today, I have not even had a chance to open the mail and I am waiting for a very important phone call from a customer. But no matter, I needed a ciggy… I went to the alley and lit my smoke and the mosquitoes wont leave me alone. Now my dad used to say the mosquitoes bite me because i have sweet blood and that means I am a sweet person but, to be honest, these things are just damn annoying. So I gaze up to yell at my Banana Spider that is obviously falling down on the job, but all I see…

    is a vacant web.

    A web that I have seen every day for the past few months so immaculatley kept was now littered with leaves and a huge gaping hole that could only mean one thing…

    Sweet Miss Banana Spider, I shall see thee no more.

    A stolen poem… for a stolen friend…

    She was more swift and patient than anyone I have known
    Waiting in her beautifully patterned home
    The most striking yellow on her back
    Not to warn
    But to invite the admiration of the world
    She wrote in a language I will never be able to read
    And her movement upon her web brought tears to my eyes
    A helper in the alley
    We shared a space of growth
    A plot for the cycle of life
    Yet fear still grips us when things seen are not understood
    And children learn to hurt what they can’t understand
    What they were told to fear
    What was screamed into their minds
    But now she is no longer here to be feared
    No longer living as she was
    A teacher
    A sister
    A mystic
    A creature with the wisdom of the earth in her

    My Miss Banana Spider… RIP

  2. I like your poem and story on the banana spider. I was prompted to search the web when I found one hanging outside my bushes. Hope you find a new friend to write poems about!

    1. I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! I do have a new friend actually 🙂 A puppy named Ripley! Happy Banana Spider Watching!

  3. I to love my banana spider I have always wanted to watch one from being a baby and I have since June though she scared me for 3days which i to was called a nerd i was very sad. One day i got to looking at him at happened to look over and seen black legs coming out from the siding on my house i knew that the evil (black widow) was trying to be sneaky so i killed it and started pulling the weeds i forgot he move and i stepped threw his web still thought nothing about it till after I was done I yelled oh no what have I done my husband asked me what was wrong I said i killed Kratos he said who is that my garden spider I started to cry because I have had him from day one watching he he grew well I watched the web for 3days even checked to make sure i didn’t step on him then thought he got on my finally thought he moved out the next morning i went to smoke and there he was in his spot eating the flies he’s my buddy by far i will miss him when he does leave me

  4. I was watching a banana spider all awesome and stuff, and then I saw another spider, like twice the size of the banana spider, I think it was a Golden Weaver spider, jump onto Miss Banaynay…that’s what I named her. I screamed a began to wack the Golden Weaver with a broom(it was like the size of the broom) until I saw it fall into the trash can it was standing on. I was so happy, until I looked at Miss Banaynay, and saw her missing three legs. She was alive! but was injured. I gave her some bendy straws though. She loves them!

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